


It's Not Exactly Classified

by probablynotadalek, that_one_kid



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Gen, Lies and Trickery, Minor Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, What Happened in Budapest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 03:24:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5274725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/probablynotadalek/pseuds/probablynotadalek, https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_one_kid/pseuds/that_one_kid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>aka 5 times Budapest was mentioned and 1 time it was actually explained</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Exactly Classified

**1: That one time with the mage**

The cubes had been a surprise. One moment, the Avengers had been enjoying a nice breakfast, courtesy of Sam, and the next they were rudely interrupted by a two foot black cube that vibrated a few inches above their waffles.

Clint was whining at the cube for ruining breakfast when SHIELD agents arrived to report that similar cubes had appeared all over the city at varying heights and positions. They were sent out to investigate. 

“As far as I can tell,” Tony said, piloting the Iron Man armor around the cubes. “They’re locked in some sort of quantum energy field supported by an anomaly outside the city.”

“Which means he has no idea what’s going on.” Natasha said, scanning a cube hovering in the middle of an intersection. Most of the people driving by paid it no attention, or honked at it in frustration, but hey, that was New York. 

“Excuse you.” he started.

“Did you even understand what you were saying?”

“Fine, I have no clue what these things are. Happy?”

“They’re not emitting any radiation.” Bruce said into the commlink from inside the tower where he was investigating the very cube that had halted their usual morning activities. “The meter is actually dipping below normal levels.”

“Shit.” Clint groaned.

“So you’ve seen this before?” Steve said.

“Yep.”

“What does it mean?” Tony asked.

“It means we know who to call.” Natasha said.

“Good, an expert on the scene. How is that a bad thing?”

***

“You’re right. This was a very, very bad thing.” Tony said, watching the expert investigate the cubes with the rest of the team.

“You wanted Doctor Strange’s expertise.” Steve said.

“Yeah but look at him. The outfit is ridiculous.” 

Strange landed on the ground in front of the group. Landing wasn’t the right word. He hovered a few inches above the ground in front of the group, cape billowing softly in wind that wasn’t there. “Good news: They’re harmless. They’re just analyzing the area for magical presence and should disappear in the next day or so.”

“Is there bad news?” Clint asked.

“You may experience a full-scale magical invasion in the next week.”

“What?”

“Don’t worry, this is the sort of thing I handle everyday.” Strange said, not stopping to answer any questions before levitating away from the group.

“Where is he going?” Tony said, tracking him.

Clint shrugged. “No idea.”

“I can’t place his accent.” Bruce said once Strange disappeared behind a skyscraper. “Where is he from?”

“Nebraska.” Natasha said, deadpan.

“No, really.”

“Really.” Clint responded.

Tony crossed him arms. “He’s Nebraskan.”

“Yep.”

“Where did you meet this guy?”

Natasha sighed and looked at Clint. “Budapest.”

**2: That one time with the date**

Tony Stark considered himself a fairly generous man, letting six Avengers live in his tower, free of charge. So what if he took advantage of the fact that there were two spies living with him every once in awhile?

He found them both in the kitchen, Clint staring at the coffee pot as it dripped and Natasha leaning against the counter next to him. He began talking before Clint had a chance to tell him to go away. “Your mission, should you choose to accept it-”

“Do we have a choice?” Clint said without looking up. 

“Well, I could just kick you all out, seeing as this is my building.”

“Yeah, we know it’s your building.” Natasha said. “What do you want?”

“I want you to follow Steve tonight.” 

“Why?” Clint asked. The coffee machine dinged and Clint pulled the pot out before it got to the second note. “Doesn’t he have a date?”

“Yes. Which is why I’m asking.” Tony said, only then realizing how ridiculous he sounded. 

“Why do you care about Steve’s love life?” Natasha said. 

“No reason.” Tony said. 

“Really?” Natasha said. “No reason at all?”

"He's our friend, I want to make sure he's okay."

"Is that the only reason?" Clint said, taking a drink straight from the pot of coffee. Natasha kicked him in the shin and reached for the pot. 

"Yes. No.” Tony started. “I just-"

"We'll do it." Natasha interrupted. "We've got nothing better to do."

"Speak for yourself." Clint said as he swirled the coffee in the pot. "I had plans."

"You were going to stay in bed and watch Orange is the New Black."

"That's a plan."

***

“You guys did it.” Tony said flipping through the folder of pictures and notes of every interaction Steve had on his so-called date (which ended in a curt “I’ll call you later” that meant neither of them would be talking to each other again any time soon, but that little bit of information was conveniently not in the notes).

“Come on, Stark, it’s not exactly Budapest.”

“What does that even mean?”

"It means," Natasha said, "This isn't classified information, and you could have just asked the guy yourself."

**3: That one time with the aliens**

Natasha and Steve had never intended to get teleported into space. They had never intended to get abducted by aliens, and they definitely never intended to get an elevator ride straight into an alien gladiator ring. 

But there they were, battered and bleeding from their last fight with an alien who had blades for arms, standing face to face with a creature that could have probably gone a few rounds with the Hulk, a creature with brown fur and a barbed tail and too many arms and nothing resembling a head. 

“You know, even as a kid I don’t think I ever dreamed of this.” Steve said, bouncing the shield in his hand in preparation for when the electric fence separating the three of them would drop.

“Welcome to your life, Rogers. Sometimes things like this happen.” Natasha said just as the buzz went off that sounded the beginning of the round. “Hang back a minute, I have an idea.” 

“This is normal for you guys, isn’t it?” Steve called as he watched her jump onto the creature’s back.

“Not normal,” she said, using the fur as hand holds to pull herself up. The creature jerked violently, trying to shake her off, none of its arms succeeding in grabbing her. “Just not unheard of.” 

“Did you train for this?”

“Cap, dear, there are some things you just can’t learn in training.” Natasha reached the head of the creature, or, more accurately, the part of its body that was farthest from the ground. Steve waited for her to shoot it, or shock it, but instead she just sat there, looking around her.

“What are you doing?”

“If we stay here and keep fighting, eventually we’re going to lose. I’m trying to find us a way out.” She continued looking as the creature tried to buck her off, finding no exits on the fighting floor. “We have to get into the crowd.”

“What?” Steve asked, glancing at the crowded seats. 

“The only exits are in the crowd. We have to get there.”

“And then fight our way through a bunch of unfriendlies and do what?”

“I have a plan.” Natasha loaded her gun. “One clip left. Let’s make it count.” She turned to Steve who was still watching her from the ground. “What are you waiting for? Hop on!”

Steve obliged, climbing to meet her. “Okay.” He said, taking a seat behind her. “What’s the plan?”

“This.” She kicked the creature as hard as she could, sending it racing forward into the crowds. It smashed into the wall as sent it’s two passengers flying into the crowd. Steve managed to get his shield under him in time to slam into the ground and slide down the stadium steps. Natasha landed a few steps up from where he had stopped. “Coming?” She said, the crowd having gone silent for a moment. 

The announcer must have screamed something like “We’ll give you money if you get them!” because the creatures in the crowds began to launch themselves at the two Avengers. 

"Time to go." Natasha said. She grabbed one of Steve's arms and half-pulled him to his feet before ducking behind him as he used his shield to push and shove and block his way to the exit. Behind them, a creature with shimmering scales and fiery eyes and a tongue like a snake's pulled out something green that didn't look like a knife but was held like one. It lunged at Natasha, who sidestepped to grab its arm and twist it until it dropped the thing in its hand. She picked up the not-knife and it was hot but swinging it around managed to keep the crowds from coming any closer. 

Eventually they made it through the door where a few guards with skin like rhinos and builds like boulders waited for them. 

“Hey fellas,” Natasha said, and threw the knife. It pinned the first guard to the wall, sliding through the thick skin on his throat like butter. She pulled the knife back out and pointed it at the other guard. “How about you let us in?” 

The door to the ship opened, and Natasha fired off her last bullet at the oncoming crowd as she climbed inside. Cap threw a lever by the door and hoped desperately, immensely relieved when the door shut behind them.

“Okay.” Steve said as he watched her move to the controls of the small ship, which comprised of a few foot pedals and a tray of something golden with the consistency of jello. “How do we fly this thing?”

“Like this.” She said, and plunged her hands into the tray. The ship lifted into the air, and Natasha shifted her hands, causing the ship to shoot forward. 

The ship lurched to the side and Steve wasn’t sure if that meant that Natasha wasn’t as in control as she acted like she was or that they were being shot at. Both prospects seemed equally terrifying. 

“I’ve got this.” Natasha said it like it was a fact. She twisted her arm three times and three sounds like laser guns from the classic sci-fi movies Tony insisted on watching filled the small room. 

“What was that?”

“We’re not being tailed anymore.” Natasha moved her foot to hover over one of the pedals. “You might want to sit down.” She pressed down on the pedal and Steve was almost knocked over with the force of the resulting movement. 

They continued for a little while before Natasha said, “I think we’re good now. They shouldn't be able to trace us this far out.” She pulled her hands out of the tray and shook them off before walking over to Steve and wiping what was left on his shoulder. 

“Thanks. This outfit really needed more slime.” he said, shaking his head. “Where did you learn how to fly an alien spaceship?”

“Budapest.” She sat down on the floor and leaned her head against the wall. “We’ve got about three hours to Earth. I don’t care what you do, just don’t ask me to play Eye-Spy.”

**4: That one time with Nick Cage**

"Ok, seriously, National Treasure?" Tony asked as Clint held up his movie choice. 

"National Treasure Two, Stark, there's a difference."

“Oh, yeah, the difference between stealing the Declaration of Independence and stealing the President.”

“They never stole the President. Just sort of kidnapped him for a while.” Clint said as he put the movie into the DVD player. 

“Right, those are such different things.” Tony said. 

The movie started with Clint racing the Walt Disney Pictures logo to give a rundown of the plot of the first movie. Characters started talking on screen and the archer was shushed. He managed to stay that way through most of the movie, much to the rest of the team’s surprise. 

"You know I met him once." Clint said as they watched the main character and the supposed president talking. 

"Who, the president? We know. We were there." Tony answered.

"No, Nicholas Cage."

"Let me guess, Budapest?" Steve said, not talking his eyes off the screen. 

"Vancouver, actually. We were there trying to take down some Canadian drug ring or something-"

"Budapest, Clint." Natasha called from where she was curled in a chair. "It was Budapest."

"Really?" Clint paused. "Huh. Maybe it was."

**5: That one time with the shoe**

To put it in the simplest terms, Clint’s birthday had been a disaster. To put it in the terms Natasha would no doubt use when filling out the report Coulson would hand to her once he regained consciousness, it was a Level 6 Technopath with a special affinity for explosions. 

Natasha counted it as one of the top ten parties she had ever been to. 

She and Pepper were the only ones who had not been knocked out yet, and she would blame that on a sexist villain underestimating them if it hadn’t been for the fact that she had grabbed Pepper and ran the instant she smelt trouble. Natasha had the good sense not to fight someone she knew nothing about, and Pepper was the closest and knew the ins and outs of the tower. 

Their attacker was careless, not an asshole. 

“Take a right up here.” Pepper whispered. “Third door on the left.” Natasha put her hand on one of the handles. “Yeah, that one.” 

Natasha went in first, checking the room for any signs of explosives. Nothing. She waved for Pepper to come in. 

“Should be in here.” Pepper said as she pulled open the door to the closet. “Oh, found it.” She found a notch in the wood flooring. “I’m pretty sure Tony has completely forgotten about these, but he insisted on trapdoors. Thought they’d be useful eventually.”

“He wasn’t wrong.”

“Don’t let him hear you say that.” She pulled the hidden panel in the floor back. “This one should lead to the kitchen, just above the fridge.” 

Natasha reached down into the space between the floors and slowly opened the second panel. 

“Mark my words,” they heard from below. “I’m going to become something. Something more powerful than you’ve ever seen-”

“She’s monologuing.” Pepper whispered. “She’s actually monologuing.”

“C-list.”

“Huh?”

“She’s a C-list villain, from what I’ve seen. Dangerous enough to have on record, but not to do anything about.”

“So we what, scare her off and go back to our normal lives?”

“No, we knock her out, take her to SHIELD, and see if she can be converted.”

“Converted? Are you trying to tell me that SHIELD is full of ex-villains?”

“Clint and I are ex-villains.”

“Oh.” Pepper stopped. “So how do we knock her out?”

Natasha pulled off the high heeled shoe she had made Pepper stop to grab. “With this.” She grabbed the heel and slid it out, revealing a small gun loaded with a single tranquilizer dart.

“Where do you get a shoe like that?”

“Budapest.” Natasha smiled.

“Think you could get me a pair?”

“Gladly.” Natasha said and then pointed down the hole. “Shall we?”

“Armed assassins first.” 

**+1: That one time with Coulson**

Coulson was trying to do his paperwork. There was a lot of it to get through, because just that week the Avengers had managed to demolish a small town in Saskatchewan, blow up four buildings, cause a diplomatic disaster that teetered on the edge of World War Three, and drink their way through an entire cafe full of coffee. The last one wouldn’t have been a problem if the owner had just decided to sue, but instead she used the picture of Steve with twelve empty cups in front of him and a bagel in his hand as her new window advertisement, resulting in an impossibly thick manilla folder making it’s way to Coulson’s desk the next day. 

All he wanted to do was go back to the tower and complain until Clint volunteered to make french toast at midnight. 

He did not want Tony Stark to barge into his office asking questions.

“Hey, Agent, how are things in the scary dark hallways of SHIELD?” Coulson didn’t respond. “You guys should really invest in better light bulbs, or maybe more of them, I get that you're trying to save energy or whatever but Stark Industries could-"

"What do you want, Stark?" 

"Well, Natasha and Birdbrain keep bringing up this op and I have been trying to make sense of it but none of the dots seem to connect and SHIELD doesn't even have a file for it-"

"You hacked SHIELD files?""

"You already know that. That's not the point."

"Is there a point?" 

"What happened in Budapest?"

Coulson looked up. "Budapest?" He said.

"Yeah, Budapest. Do you know?"

Coulson gave Tony a questioning look. "Romanov and Barton were on ground in Budapest for three hours."

"Seriously?"

**Bonus! That one time with the explanation:**

"Do you think we should tell them?" Clint said while he and Natasha were out picking up dinner. 

"Tell who what?"

"The Avengers, about Budapest?"

"What about it?" Natasha said, readjusting the brown paper bag in her arms. "You want to include the giant snake?"

"No, what actually happened."

"It’s classified." Natasha said, smirking. 

"We were on the ground for three hours before Fury called us back, Nat. Three hours. We barely even got set up.” Clint said, rolling his eyes and pulling the car up next to Avengers tower. 

“When he called us back, remember what he said?” Natasha said, shifting Tony’s mo shu pork to her other hand and reaching for her key card. 

“He said it’s classified. But that was why he was calling us back-” 

“What exactly do you think we should say?” Natasha interrupted as they got out of the car. 

“I don’t know - something like ‘Nothing actually happened in Budapest, we just assign random classified missions to that location?’”

Natasha started to walk to the lobby, calling back over her shoulder. "No, definitely not. Have you seen Stark trying to figure out what happened? This is far more entertaining."


End file.
